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by Team Spielberg 338 views


Default Avatar CatFan

Huge commendation for this young team for their total commitment to world building. Yes, the kid was playing a role better suited for someone 20 years his senior - but dammit, he played it 100% straight and nailed it. Can't wait to see what this team does in the next few years.

Default Avatar cookie_crumbles

I thought it was a promising idea but the team didn't really get the story together and ended up being a bit of a miss for me, personally. A nice attempt though and it's something they can build on for next time.

Some good cinematography, some nice sets and a nice high level concept, but perhaps a bit too ambitious overall. The scripting didn't fully lay out the best flow for the plot, there were too many abrupt dialogue moments. This wasn't helped by the casting/acting. Not that the cast couldn't act, but not to the level of performance and conviction needed to really sell these roles in this sort of dramatic storyline.

A hint of noir began this film, with two trenchcoat and hat wearing agents meeting at night and discussing stuff. They then jump into another dimension, which as far as I could tell was identical to the original one (except that it's daytime). Then it's time to get some guy who's done something. I enjoyed the ambition of this film, even if it was aiming at some target that probably was unachievable in a 7-minute short. For me, the biggest killer story-wise was over-writing, with lots of talking, lots of spoken exposition, and lots of jargon. There were hints at a fascinating world surrounding these people, but the catch is that a world is only ever as compelling as the characters who inhabit it, and unfortunately I got no emotional connection to the main people onscreen. The relationship between Harper and Oracle is ostensibly the heart of the story, but it fell flat because we were only ever really told about their history, when we should have been shown it (okay, technically there was that one flashback, but I didn't really get what it was telling me). A few other random thoughts. The effects of jumping between dimensions was pretty cool, that brief yet violent wobbling of the picture. The vagrants (two in each dimension) were bizarre and inadvertently hilarious, with their completely unprovoked reaction of freaking out and running away. I enjoyed the little joke in the titles at the start. What was the purpose of Heavy? First time I watched it I actually thought he was the lead character, and was so surprised when it turned out to be her. Oh also, that was original music wasn't it? I really dug that, it was style-appropriate, helped with the pace, and contributed to the texture of the film without overwhelming it. So my key feedback is: show, don't tell. World-building is great, but again show us what's going on, don't cram the dialogue full of technical jargon. With the writing, think about how a line that you've got a character saying could be converted into an action that a character does. And even if a scene of dialogue is necessary, think of ways that the action can continue while they talk. And finally, figure out what the core of the story is (the relationship in this case, presumably) and sharpen your script and edit on emphasising this element of the film, to give it better narrative focus.

Definitely appreciated your attempt to create a serious, script driven film. Unfortunately I personally didn't really connect with the characters, so the dialogue heavy scenes became a little tedious. The cinematography for the most part was pretty good, and the editing/effects worked very well. As others have said, find the balance between dialogue and visual story telling, and you will do well in the future!

This film very, very, nearly achieves what it sets out to do, and given its ambitions, I was rooting for it all the way. Unfortunately, it falls short, which is a damn shame. The script needed to be tighter in order to feel properly invested. The BBQ flashback was one of the biggest sags: it was a bit on the cheesy side and the couple's relationship isn't wasn't highlighted very well, which was the supposed purpose of the scene. There was also a lot of mcguffin talk about data, devices and news networks that lacked context - it all seemed like jargon to me. Perhaps I'm wrong about that, and if I am, I would recommend directing the actors with a bit more verve to put emphasis on more important pieces of exposition. A lot of the delivery bordered on monotone. It bums me out to say all this because I felt the rifting mechanic, with all its simplicity, was really well done. And I mean every single time it was used. The first jump looked convincing as hell (with appropriate sound FXs to boot). Then there's the casual 'throwaway' jump which really sets the tone that these 'rifts' are an everyday factor to these characters. But it's the ending jump - and what happens to the jumper - that really impressed me. It was cool as hell, and it made me wish that this short achieved more with its idea.

Default Avatar LensFlare

Overall pretty decent effort, I think this group may have been a little too ambitious with their story, there was a lot to take in for such a small amount of time. The acting was okay, though I felt the characters they were portraying should be a lot older. There was some great cinematography with some fantastic shots, in future I would be wary of things like candles blocking the actors faces.

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