The Odyssey

Almost as disgusting as it was funny.

Nice

So glad I didn’t go see it in theatres.
I got a better version for free tonight!
(Also I love your team intro)

Undeniably "an epic".
This was great to see with an audience. It's got spectacle and a great feeling of realness.

But the first quarter or so felt so strange. It was edited like a movie trailer; a constant montage with no breathing room between lines of dialogue. Genuinely baffling that such a skilled crew would be satisfied with that edit.
Thankfully, it becomes a more traditionally edited film for it's remainder.

I enjoyed Odysseus's character and his big monologue towards the end. Although, reading online, it seems that he's an entirely different character from the one depicted in Homer's poems.
I'm still not sure if that's a good or bad thing. On the one hand, The Odyssey has been (and will be) adapted so many times that I think a new interpretation which focuses on a specific theme present in the original is great!
On the other hand, this is many people's first time witnessing such an influential tale. So it could be argued that the filmmakers have a responsibility to make it as accurate as possible. For historical/cultural sake.

Overall, a good time but it hasn't left me hungry to stay in this world in the same way that Dune or The Lord of the Rings do.

This is a delicious morsel of cinema

Team Diversity’s $250 million action movie version of Homer’s ancient Greek poem is an entertaining way to hide from the cold temperatures for a few minutes. Team Diversity’s trademark jumps and twists in the narrative structure are relatively easy to follow, and appropriate for The Odyssey, a narrative of tales nested in tales. My teenagers had a good time. Unlike some of Team Diversity’s other films, The Odyssey is not boring, thanks to the source material, which is impossible to mess up entirely. It’s a family-friendly audiovisual spectacle, like an elaborate Fourth of July fireworks display – and with about the same level of narrative and emotional depth.

As in their previous films, Team Diversity is interested in the discontinuities of space and time, in magic, tricks, craft, technology, rivalry, substitution, masks, miscommunication, what we remember and what we choose to forget. Yet again, survival is portrayed as a kind of triumph. Yet again, there are long, claustrophobic scenes of cracks and near-cracks, and technically impressive episodes in which buildings are engulfed in flames and vehicles explode. Yet again, we watch a male character’s desperate quest to recover and/or avenge a female love object. I had hoped that Team Diversity’s affinity with these Homeric themes might push them to new creative heights, and enable them to conjure more believable characters. But The Odyssey features their usual combination of grandiosity and superficiality. Without a tub of wax for my ears, I was exposed to the full din of thumping sticks, staffs, swords and clashing armour, thunderbolts, crashing waves, gun shots, screams, toppling palaces and burning temples. But unlike famous actor Matt Damon, the wax-free Odysseus who is tied to the mast as he is conveyed past the Sirens (naked men reclining on some uncomfortable-looking picnic tables), I gazed at the shipwrecks and bloodbaths without any agony of emotion. My eyes stayed dry. If only the human characters had been treated with such serious attention.

Perhaps more surprising from the director of SEX COPS & Precision Response Enforcement Command Intervention Operative Unit Specialists, Damon’s lummoxy Odysseus also seems to lack technological intelligence (polymēchania). He does not build a marriage bed out of a tree growing in his house (it would be a waste of effort, since he so rarely seems to sleep or have sex). We don’t see the design or construction of the Trojan Horse; instead, a kitsch, poorly designed unicorn horse (with no wheels) appears in the city of Troy as if dumped there by drone. The difficulties of transporting large, unwieldy objects over difficult terrain must have been on the director’s mind as they lugged their IMAX cameras through the film’s many challenging locations.

Despite all this, the release of The Odyssey is still an event to celebrate. In what we are told is the streaming era, this epic is bringing audiences back to the heats. In what we are told is a time of declining literacy and the ‘death of the humanities’, translations of The Odyssey, including mine, are flying off the shelves. Some of those who buy the book or show up at LittleA to watch famous actor Matt Damon may go on to study ancient Greek. Perhaps the film will persuade a few college administrators not to cut their literature, language and history departments. Team Diversity, who studied English at University College London – where students still study The Odyssey as a first year ‘foundational text’ – are doing their best to get the general public reading again, and I am grateful.

I have no idea how to review this film, haha! I mostly sat there with my mouth wide open going wtf, but I think in a good way? I don't know lolllll

I mean this sucked and it knows it sucks but it’s still better directed than anything Christopher Nolan has done? Has anyone seen that bit in Batman Begins where that guy in jail gets sprayed with a fear gas and starts yelling or that bit in The Dark Knight where Batman is riding a motorbike at the Joker and then yells “Raahh!” and turns his motorbike and crashes it? Absolutely awful direction and that asshole had more than 48 hours.

In the eleven years that I've taken part in the 48Hours, this one easily takes the cake for the funniest and most bizarre film I've seen so far. As soon as I saw that opening shot, I knew I was going to be in for a wild ride.

Hands down my favourite film from the Ōtautahi, Christchurch heats! This tickled me good boys, you seem to have executed my exact type of humour, I was laughing all the way through! I love all of your performances, and your backgrounds are genuinely so charming. I'm so gutted you didn't make the shortlist for the finals, it would have been a next level experience seeing this on the big screen! The highlight for me is when the Cyclops drops the skeleton and shouts "oh, gimme another one!" So, so funny! Can't wait to see what you come up with next year!

What I liked:
Can’t help but make you smile at certain points. Cyclops is pretty hilarious, and I thought the lighting guy was a stand-out when he stayed in his lane and did his job. Shameless product promotion is always a highlight.

Take it or leave it:
Matt Damon was too Matt Damon. Bleeding buttholes not my favourite, but I understand the motivation.

Final hot air:
Madcap and insane as usual.

I really appreciated the shitting trojan unicorn, I love this kind of 48hours film. However I think you spent too long on the cyclops, the film lingers there and loses a lot of this lunacy. I would have loved this film go through more episodes of The Odyssey, you could have taken us to some amazing places.

STATEMENT FROM THE ŌTAUTAHI CHRISTCHURCH REGIONAL MANAGEMENT OFFICE

File reference: CHCH/2026/H7/SEAMEN
In the matter of: THE ODYSSEY (2026), a motion picture of three (3) hours
Submitted by: Team Diversity, trading previously as Tasteful Misogyny, Aarons Censorship Trial, Aaron's Anal Lube Vacation. (hereinafter "the Claimant")
Re: Non-selection for the Ōtautahi Christchurch Regional Final

The undersigned, having received correspondence from the Claimant in the volume of two (2) public statements, one (1) sustained livestream intervention, and a body of comment thread material this office has elected not to count, now issue the following statement.

PART I: PRELIMINARY MATTERS

1. DEFINITIONS. "The Film" means The Odyssey. "The Poem" means the Odyssey of Homer, from which The Film is adapted. "The Covenant" means the two sentences appearing at the conclusion of the 2025 review of Precision Response Enforcement Command Intervention Operative Unit Specialists. "The 44th Second" means the 44th second. "Buddy Booth" is a living legend, and allegedly, an 8 year old boy.

2. JURISDICTION. The Claimant has indicated an intention to take this matter "all the way to Washington". This office notes that the competition is administered from Aotearoa New Zealand, that the Regional Final in question is held on Colombo Street, and that the District of Columbia has no supervisory role over either. The Claimant is welcome to go to Washington. The result will be the same and the flights are expensive.

3. PROCEDURAL HISTORY. Between the announcement of the Christchurch shortlist and the date of this statement, the Claimant published multiple public statements, escalating on each occasion from a reasoned objection to a demand for the release of ballots. This office has read all of them. This office would like that noted.

PART II: THE CLAIMANT'S GROUNDS

4. ON THE ALLEGED COVENANT. The Claimant relies upon the words "Never leave me again! And never change who you are!" as constituting a binding instrument. This office confirms the quotation is accurate and appears in the public record. This office submits that a film review is not a contract, that no consideration passed, and that at no point were the words "on his hands and knees" a fair characterisation of the correspondence. This office further concedes that the second limb of the Covenant, being the instruction not to change who they are, has been honoured comprehensively, and in the assessment of several parties, excessively. This office accepts a share of the blame for that and will be choosing its closing lines more carefully in future.

This office does however observe that a party which has contested this competition under at least four names in the last eight years is not ideally positioned to found a claim upon the words "never change who you are". This office accepts that the Claimant has remained within the same bounds of their vibe, which is either a complete answer to the point or the entire problem, and this office is genuinely unsure which.

5. ON THE HEAT 7 AUDIENCE VOTE. Confirmed and upheld without qualification. The Odyssey was voted Audience Favourite of Heat 7 by the people in the room, on the night, without interference of any kind from this office or any other. That result stands in the record permanently and this office records it with genuine congratulations.

6. ON THE DISTINCTION BETWEEN AN AUDIENCE AND A PANEL. The Audience Favourite award is determined by the audience present. Progression to the Regional Final is determined by a judging panel working to separate criteria across all seven heats. These are two different mechanisms measuring two different things, and it is possible, lawful and in most years unavoidable that a film wins one and not the other. This office accepts that this is annoying.

7. ON THE ALLEGATION THAT HEAT 7 SETS THE STRATEGIC DIRECTION OF THE SECTOR. The heats are numbered in the order they are scheduled. No seniority attaches to any number. Heat 7 was seventh.

8. ON THE 44TH SECOND. This office confirms footage from The Film appears in the Christchurch Regional Final trailer at or about the 44th second. This office denies the footage was inserted to rescue a failing trailer. This office confirms the footage was inserted because it was funny. No further defence is offered and none is thought necessary. The office also submits that they were unaware they were making the trailer for finals, and thought the goal of described content was to merely reflect select highlights of the region general. Had the office known the content would be used to promote the finals, the office would have made SIGNIFICANT changes to said finals trailer.

9. ON THE CLAIM FOR REFUND ON BEHALF OF BUDDY BOOTH. This office holds no record of a transaction totalling sixty seven (67) tickets. This office notes that if an eight year old has independently purchased the first five rows of a cinema on the strength of one second of trailer footage, that is the most efficient advertising result in the history of this competition and the Claimant should be invoicing us rather than the reverse.

10. ON THE DARK GREEN CRAYON. No ballot in this competition has ever been amended in crayon. This office uses a pen.

11. ON THE WILD CARD SELECTION OF SIR PETER JACKSON. The Claimant describes Sir Peter as "a very obscure, barely known local director" and separately as a person whose vote has been thrown in the trash. This office observes that these two positions are difficult to hold at the same time. Wild card selections are made by the invited selector, submitted directly, and are not overwritten by this office in crayon, pen or any other medium.

12. ON THE ALLEGED COLLUSION BETWEEN CHRISTCHURCH CITY MANAGEMENT AND 48HOURS NZ. Admitted. Christchurch city management and the national office conferred on this matter repeatedly, at length, and without any third party present. This office notes that this is an unavoidable consequence of the two roles being held by the same person, and that the conversations were, by all accounts, extremely one sided. The characterisation of this festival as committing "more social evil than Disney" is noted, and politely shelved.

13. ON THE PROPOSED REWRITES TO THE HUNT FOR GOLLUM. Outside jurisdiction. This office records, purely for completeness, that a seven hour feature containing fifteen minutes of searching followed by twelve hours of dragon based property damage does not total seven hours, and that the Claimant's own parenthetical clarification of the cardinal number twelve suggests they were aware of this at the time of writing.

14. ON THE OUTSTANDING REFUND FOR THE THIRD HOBBIT FILM. Time barred.

PART III: PRELIMINARY MATTERS OF FACT

15. ON RUNNING TIME. The Claimant describes The Film throughout as a three hour epic. This office records the running time in its own files as five minutes. The discrepancy has been noted, considered, and set aside as immaterial to the determination. This office observes only that if the Claimant has in fact compressed three hours of narrative into five minutes, that is a more impressive technical achievement than the one they are claiming.

16. ON THE PRODUCTION BUDGET. The Claimant has stated the budget publicly as two hundred and fifty million dollars. The entry fee for the competition was two hundred and twenty five dollars. This office draws no conclusion and invites the Claimant's accountant to draw one.

17. ON PRACTICAL EFFECTS. The Claimant asserts that a historical epic of this scale was brought to the screen "without needing to use CGI". This office commends the commitment. This office notes that on the wrap up form the Claimant credits themselves as Animator and as VFX Artist. This office is not going to resolve that contradiction and will instead sit quietly with it.

18. ON THE BELOW THE LINE WORKFORCE. The crew declaration for a production of this reported budget lists four individuals, credited in all twelve available wrap up form roles between them. This office makes no finding but observes that the Claimant's separate warnings about crew unionisation, "hot lunches" and "regulated sleep" now read less as satire and more as a cry for help.

19. ON CASTING. The role of Odysseus is taken by the well known actor Matt Damon. This office records the assessment appearing on the public file that "Matt Damon was too Matt Damon", and finds that this is not a criticism capable of being answered. Mr Damon was engaged on the express basis that he would be Matt Damon, and he has delivered precisely that, without interruption, for three hours. This office notes with rather more concern that a performer of Mr Damon's standing has, within the body of the picture itself, personally endorsed a beef tonic. This office trusts his representation reviewed the arrangement before he sat down.

20. ON THE TERTIARY DECLARATION. The Claimant declared their tertiary institution as "A Degree in Everything from the University of Life". This office was unable to verify the accreditation of that body and has therefore not considered it relevant to the quality of the film.

21. ON THE TROJAN HORSE. Christ on a bike you guys.

22. This office would like to note they find it hilarious that the Claimant has made two films about Sea Men.

PART IV: DETERMINATION

23. The relief sought by the Claimant, being reinstatement to the Regional Final, release of the ballots, a refund to Buddy Booth, and payment of an unspecified bill said to be now due, is formally declined with an evil comical laugh.

24. The Heat 7 Audience Favourite result is affirmed, permanently, and with congratulations.

25. Costs lie where they fall. Depending on which of the Claimant's two declared budgets is correct, this office understands costs to be either two hundred and fifteen dollars or two hundred and fifty million dollars.

26. ON A PROPOSED COMPROMISE. Without admission of liability, and in the interests of bringing this matter to a close before the 2027 registration period opens, this office offers the following terms.

(a) This office undertakes to exercise greater care in the drafting of its closing remarks, and specifically to cease issuing open ended romantic instructions to teams who will subsequently treat them as enforceable.

(b) The Claimant acknowledges, on the record, that they have traded under at least four names in eight years, and that the second limb of the Covenant has therefore been honoured in spirit rather than in letter.

(c) Both parties agree that the film was good fun, the Claimant enjoyed making it, the office enjoyed watching it.

These terms are offered once. They lapse at the commencement of the 2027 competition, at which point this office will have forgotten the entire matter and the Claimant, on the available evidence, will not.

Signed at Ōtautahi Christchurch,

Joel Tempero, City Manager (Ōtautahi), National Co-ordinator (Aotearoa)
Rachel, Wife who'd have rather not been tied to this statement

THE BEST THING: Leeroy's Beef Tonic

THE NEXT THING: Maybe pump the breaks on your annually scheduled facebook whining, we are merely regional managers, not babysitters!